Grateful for Personal Revelation

The past two days, I've been re-reading my journal, starting the summer before I met Todd.  I was consistently writing a couple pages a week, so I've got a pretty good record.  I've read through our entire courtship and the first few months of our marriage, and will start tomorrow with my first entry after we moved to California.

I thanked Heavenly Father in my prayers tonight for what I'm about to write, then turned out the light and tried to go to sleep.  Immediately, I felt impressed to get up and share it on my blog.  I'm happy to do so.

In February of 2004, Todd and I had decided to pray about getting married.  When we did, we each got the impression that we should keep thinking about it.  So I'd been pondering it for a few weeks, praying, making Todd pro/con lists, analyzing the future the best I could.  My biggest worry was Todd's military involvement. The idea of a deployed husband freaked me out.  I did not like that piece of the Todd/Angie Future puzzle.

Thursday, February 26, 2004 I recorded in my journal:

"Last night Todd and I went to the movie theater... On the drive home, I watched Todd as he drove and thought about what it might be like to be with him our whole lives, to grow old with him.

"Then suddenly and strongly, I had this whooshing, warm, clear feeling all through my chest that I can marry him, and everything will be alright.  Todd is good, he will take care of me, and if he has to go to war everything will be okay.  These thoughts and feelings were very definitely not my own.  They were from the Holy Ghost.  I know they were.  I needed a confirmation like that, because sometimes I can't tell if I'm receiving inspiration or having my own thoughts.  This was very clearly not my own thoughts.  When I prayed last night, I thanked Heavenly Father, and I was worried I would feel differently when I talked to Him about it, but I didn't. That was a confirmation of the trueness of the event. (!)"  

I have held on to the anchor of that revelation countless times.  It was my rock for the next seven months until Todd finally dared propose to me.  It's given me peace over the past eight and a half years of our marriage that I made a good match.  It's taken fear away from my heart during both of Todd's deployments.

Beyond that, it speaks volumes to me about God.  He heard my prayers and answered them.  Not while I was on my knees, but after weeks of sincere pondering.  He made sure that answer was crystal clear and undeniably a message from heaven and not my own thoughts and wishes.  He understood my worries.  He gave comfort that has lasted nearly a decade so far.  He didn't take away my agency.  He didn't proclaim, "Todd's The One!" but instead spoke to my concerns and gave me peace about them, then let me choose Todd myself, trusting he was a sound choice.

I am grateful for personal revelation, and I am thankful I am a journal writer.

July Update

Well, here I am, another month down and I didn't slim down the job by blogging throughout.  Sigh.  I thought about it a lot.  But it never seemed worth the time.  So here we are.

The Fourth of July was Jack's half birthday, so it was an especially big and special holiday.  We started off the morning with a flag fruit pizza, then went to a parade and came back with a massive haul.  Behold:

 By the way, that is a gallon sized ziplock you are looking at there.  The "parade candy" is kept in a cupboard and given out as bribery for sleeping well.

My dad set up tarps and a hose on their hill and voila, Hazel experienced her very first slip and slide.  A massive hit, I must say.  But only for Hazel.  Jack's going through a phase where he hates playing in water.

 The kids thought it was fun to dress in red, white, and blue.

Both the kids napped long and hard, so we were able to head out for fireworks that night.   For the last several years, we've watched them from our roof while the kids slept and have been too far away to hear the BOOM.  Being at the ballpark where they were set off, hearing them, smelling them, filled me with a truckload of happiness.  It was totally worth not having the kids in bed until 11pm.  

Hazel taped her baby doll to her Rapunzel "hair" so she could pretend she was lifting Mother Gothel into the tower.  Ingenious.  

Jack's dress-up love continues...

Hazel made herself and Gemma matching crowns.  Sister love!

Jack started showing interest in potty training, but has been spotty about it.  I am absolutely not going to push it.  I invested far too much time into trying to potty train Hazel.  I'm going to take it easy this time.  

Remember the birds' nest on my front porch?  We thought it was so cool... until the eggs hatched and the babies started leaving huge piles of poop by my front door.  Disgusting.  I dealt with it for two weeks, until the babies left the nest, and then I took the thing down.  A week later, the parent birds came back to lay another clutch and I've been battling them ever since.  Every day they start making their nest.  Every day I power spray it down.  Their persistence makes me angry.  Time to relocate, pals!

We spent a few days down in Cedar City with cousins.  We loved every second.  We partied at the local aquatic center and caught a flick at the dollar theater, but for the most part just played at home.  Laura's backyard is massive, and the kids were so happy to play together.

Jack was especially obsessed with the kid jeep.  If I ever didn't know where he was, the first place to look was the garage.  He was usually sitting in the jeep waiting for someone to start it.  He literally drove it around in the road for two hours straight.

Hazel and Jack love to make massive play structures that impede my goal of usable living space, but they play so well together I have to let it go.  Puppy house.

This one's a poacher's jaguar trap.  They snarled at me quite fiercely through the chair bars.  

More of Hazel's elaborate birthday party set-ups.  The paper bag with the straw sticking out of it is supposed to be a lemonade pitcher.  The blue vase behind it is holding a massive rose made out of scotch tape.  And yes, those are individual servings of Goldfish, large enough to count as lunch.

Gemma had her six-month check-up.  The doctor was concerned that her weight dropped so much on the growth chart.  14lbs at 4 months and again at 6 months.  I think it's mostly just that I hadn't started her on solids yet and she's being compared to kids who have been chowing down on formula and rice cereal for two months, but she's going in for a weight check in a few weeks.

We celebrated Gemma's half-birthday by giving her her first rice cereal.  Hazel loves to help feed Gemma.  G loves to be fed.  She hasn't turned anything down yet.

Jack continued to have trouble with bad dreams, so I decided to move the room around a bit.  I asked Jack what he would like me to do to make his room seem safer, and he asked to be close to the window and close to Hazel.  The extra sunlight and a buddy he can see without sitting up have seemed to do the trick.  He's sleeping a lot better so far.  Knock on wood.

My sister Emily came in from Chicago for a week and a half.  I jumped at the chance to plan a family reunion and got all my siblings up here on the 24th of July.

Everyone was in charge of planning an activity.  Mine was a Crack the Egg Tournament on the tramp.  Ryan was the undisputed champion.  He made me suffer for 15 minutes trying to crack him.  It was torture.

Emily's activity was karaoke.  It got a little wild and crazy!

 We went to another parade and the kids weren't even that excited.  Three in one summer is overkill.

Gemma started pushing up on her knees and on her toes.  She also rolls and scoots all over the room.  And her neck is ridiculously ticklish.  She laughs so cute.

Hazel started taking private swimming lessons, and I have to say, I never want to do group lessons again!  She is learning so much, so fast, and I love that she spends the entire 30 minutes working and focused.

Slice of Paradise

The best part about this house is our backyard.  It is glorious.  My bishop changed my life when he and his son put up temporary fencing for me six weeks ago.  We were outside a lot before, but now that they don't have to come in with me when I check on Gemma, or make dinner, or switch a load of laundry, the kids have been pretty much living outside.  And who could blame them?  

We've got a great big deck for riding little bikes and digging in the sand table, a kiddie pool to splash in, and a playhouse that is frequently used as a set for playing either house or Cruella DeVille/dogs.  

 We've got a trampoline and oodles of grass, and a great tree for climbing.

 And my personal favorite, a gliding loveseat, perfect for nursing a baby while the others play, or snuggling up together (sometimes all four of us) to read a good book.

 I will probably get depressed when the snow comes and we're not out here for hours every day.

I HEART having a backyard!!!

June Review

 Note to self: Do not wait until the end of the month to blog if you can help it.  There's way too much to cover!  Oh well, I guess you're getting the short version of June.  Otherwise, I'll be here for days trying to catch up.

Hazel had her half-birthday on June 1st.  Four and a half!  We went out for ice cream with her neighbor friends Eva and Esther, and had a burgers and movie pajama party that night.

Gemma got cuter.  Is that possible?  I wouldn't have thought so, but it's true.  She's five months old now and just irresistible.  

She's now at the play-on-a-blanket-on-the-floor-at-church stage.  How fun!

 I let her chomp on watermelon rinds and she loved it!  We haven't started any solid foods yet, but I'm going to have to get my rear in gear, because she is definitely interested.

 Hazel's started organizing elaborate set-ups for play.  It's fun to see.  She had a tea party for all her stuffed animals.  I love how she found something for each of them to use as a chair.

 The neighbor kids still love our trampoline!  Hazel's been hosting quite a few backyard parties, many of which involved swimsuits and the hose.  I have to wonder if these kids (ages 7-9) would bother coming over if we didn't have a tramp and hand out popsicles, but hey, I'll take it so Hazel has friends this year!

Look at those legs!  Such succulent chub.

 Gemma's legs are always churning, so I pulled out the doorway jumper.  She loved it!

 Jack has shown an increased interest in dress-ups.  He's at that age.  I think I ought to invest in some more masculine choices...

 Hazel made Gemma a card. It reads: "To Gemma Love Hazel.  You are too cute for me to stand."  She asked me how to spell each word, then later slipped it under Gemma's bedroom door while I was putting her down for a nap.  Adorable!  Hazel frequently whispers in Gemma's ear, "Remember, your favorite color is pink.  You love cheetahs, just like me!"  Nothing like a little subliminal message to secure your sisterly bonds!

 A swallow built its nest on our front porch.  Hazel was fascinated.  It's cool, except when I'm trying to read in peace on the porch after I've put the kids to bed, and it won't stop swooping by all territorial-like.  Excuse me, but this is my home, too!

Can you blame me for wanting to enjoy this view?  

 We had most of my siblings up for my brother Chris's birthday/Father's Day.  We had dinner in the canyon.  I love having this time to be close to family!

 Gemma's started belly surfing, arms and legs in the air.

 She's also mysteriously moving when I'm not watching.  I'm not sure if she's scootching, or if it's multiple rolls getting her where she's going.  I put her down directly in front of those toys...

 We went back up to the canyon later in the month for my mom's birthday.  The kids spent most of their time chucking rocks into the river.

 I love how Hazel put her arms around Jack and actually smiled for the camera.  She's growing up!  Usually if I ask her to hold still for a picture, she increases her speed by two.

 Jack follows Hazel around everywhere and copies everything she says and does.  It reminds me a lot of my younger sister Emily - sibling worship without cause.

 Jack had a bad dream about a bad guy coming to get him.  He woke up screaming for me.  For the next several nights, he would not sleep in his bed.  He was literally afraid of the bad guy being in there. One night he fell asleep in Hazel's bed, the next he started in his but ended up in mine, the next he asked to sleep on the floor...

Finally, I gave Jack a huge stuffed gorilla that Todd has held onto from his childhood.  I made up this elaborate story about how the gorilla wants to sleep with him and if any bad guys come in the room, they'll be scared of the gorilla and run away.  I had the gorilla sing him his bedtime song and had Jack hold his hand.  Ever since then, Jack's slept fine.  But he often mentions that the gorilla is in his bed, keeping him safe.  That was one bad dream!

 Hazel and Jack are becoming the best of friends.  They know how to fight like the dickens, but most of the time, they play together really happily.  Hazel frequently says that Jack is her best friend, that she loves him, that she wishes she could marry him because she wants to live with him forever, that he's the sweetest boy she knows.  When they fight, their meanest name they call each other is "meano stinko."  Ah, the innocence of children!  But they've both been sent to time out for calling ME meano stinko. It's hard to keep a straight face while telling Jack he can't call me that because I'm his mom.

 I blinked, and Jack had taken his diaper off!  He made a great naked frog!

 Hazel set up an outdoor classroom so we could play school.  She wanted to practice writing her name and numbers, and was mildly annoyed that I made her take a two-minute recess break to jump on the tramp.

 Gemma sat in a swing for her first time.  Is she really old enough for this already?!

 I have a picture just like this of Hazel and Jack, Superman pose and all.  I tried hard to find it tonight.  So fun.

There it is!  Crazy.  Time flies.  

 We got another bum tenant in our rental house.  I had to ask him to move out.  Last time Todd was in Afghanistan, I had to evict our tenant and take him to court to try to recover lost rent (won the court case, but never did get paid).  He left the place a mess.  Behold:

 Who does that?  Seriously.  Anyway, I turned the place over to a property manager last week.  I can't wait to pay somebody else to clean the place up and get it rented out, hopefully to someone normal.  Todd keeps assuring me that we are making money on this place and it's worth it, but it seems like nothing but a pain in the neck to me.  I'm no landlord.

We spent a few days visiting Todd's sister Missy last week.  I took a grand total of ONE picture that turned out: Hazel driving a bumper car.

 We went to Seven Peaks, did laser tag and bumper cars, a trampoline park, etc. etc. We are taking advantage of living close to family, and making sure the kids bond with their cousins!  It was a ton of fun.  We're heading down to see Laura's kids later in July.

 While everyone else was napping today, Hazel set up this "birthday party" for us.  Streamers on the lights, party bags filled with pretzels and teddy bear crackers, and a piece of candy all wrapped up in construction paper for Jack's present.  I love how she pulled out the swim towels to make the table festive.  She's always creating.