What's Worse Than a Cast? . . . A Brace.

The second cast came off last Friday and Hazel's foot looked great. Then the doctor told me to get her fitted for a brace. When we started this whole thing on January 9th, she said Hazel's foot didn't look very serious and we should only need two or three casts and then some physical therapy exercises. I asked her specifically about the brace, and she said Hazel would not need it. When I asked her why she wants Hazel in one now, the only explanation I got was, "Well, I thought about it this week, and I think a brace would be good for her." That's ALL she said! I was in too much shock to think of what else to say (besides @#$&) until after I'd gotten home.

If I thought the cast was bad. . . The brace is a million times worse. It's heavy and unwieldy. It's a pair of shoes attached by a metal bar. It holds Hazel's feet at shoulder-width with her toes pointing out. She cannot move her legs independently. Hazel doesn't fit into her carseat anymore - one leg has to be lifted higher than the other. I worry about the weight hanging off her legs and putting stress on her knees, so I've been holding the brace up while I carry her. She's got monstrous blisters on her heels, ankles, and toes even though I've kept her covered in moleskin. For three days Hazel ate almost nothing, slept terribly, and cried almost constantly. By Monday evening, she was starting to come around again, but would have freak-outs suddenly and try to kick the brace off, while crying for hours.

By Tuesday night, I had decided the brace was causing my 8-week-old baby major emotional distress and boycotted the brace. She's had it off for about a day and a half now, and she's slowly returning to normal behavior, although she hasn't recovered fully yet.

My mom and I have been doing little foot exercises with her whenever she's awake, and are trying to find alternate solutions to help the little one. I know physical therapy alone is a viable option, because that's what the doctor said we would be doing at our initial visit. I need to speak with her about how Hazel had a very low tolerance level for the brace and get some professional advice about other avenues to head down. If this doctor is not supportive, I'm going to seek a second opinion elsewhere.

Update: I called the doctor's office and asked about alternate treatments. We're going in tomorrow to get Hazel fitted for a plastic splint that will go on just her left foot. I'm feeling really optimistic about it.

Midnight Musings

Well, it's 4:56 am. Why the heck am I awake?!

Hazel finally fell asleep last night at 11:45. I went right to bed and slept like a rock until 3:20, when the urge to feed my baby overcame my exhaustion. Always unfortunate when that happens and she's actually still asleep. Such a ripoff. Because said baby had not woken up on her own, she ate at a leisurely, sleepy pace. Read: until 4:15. Not the mark of efficiency I was hoping for.

But it gets worse.

Back in bed at 4:20, I suddenly find myself unable to sleep. How this happens I just do not know. I cried in church yesterday because Hazel slept through it and I wished I had stayed home and slept as well while I had the chance. I'm exhausted, and can't even remember what it feels like to get a good eight hours of uninterrupted sleep at night. I'm close to tears now because I'm so tired. But I just laid in bed for 35 minutes without falling asleep, so I might as well be doing something, right?

So I suppose I'll give you all the update on Hazel that I've been meaning to blog about since Friday, but haven't gotten around to yet.

Life has been insane since Hazel got her cast on. I made it about 30 hours on my own before I called up my mom, sobbing because I was so tired. Hazel would not sleep unless she was in my arms, so I had spent that first night on the couch, holding her, one hand on her back and the other on her head. Every 20 minutes or so she would jerk her body and her head would snap back if my hand wasn't there to stop it. She has been so needy, always having to be held, and often crying so loud and long that she's made herself hoarse.

My mom showed up Saturday night, and I went back home with her the next day. I spent last week up at my parents' place so there would be more hands to hold the little one. I never would have survived otherwise. Seriously.

Last Friday we went back to Primary Children's to have the first cast removed and the next one put on. The doctor said her foot was looking great and two casts would probably be all she'll need. Hallelujah! One more week of this.

Guess what they found when they took Hazel's cast off? An enormous blister on her heel. Aha!

The doctor made a big deal about how she'd NEVER seen that before in a patient, and Hazel must be destined for soccer. What a strong kicker! That might be the case. Hazel did spent an awful lot of time furiously kicking her legs during the week. It was like she was trying to kick the cast off. She was so mad about it.

I wonder, though, if the doctor made the cast too loose. It seems like there shouldn't have been enough room in there for Hazel's leg to slip around and create a blister in the first place.

At any rate, they put a moleskin on over the blister and applied the second cast. Hazel still doesn't like it, but it's been so much better than the first one. She's actually been sleeping in her crib, instead of in someone's arms. And she only cries like death for about an hour a day, instead of whenever she's awake. It's worlds better.

I can't wait for this to be over, though. I want my smiley little girl back. She's sort of got a perma-scowl these days. Where's my happy girl who only cries when she's got a bubble stuck in her tummy? I miss that kid. We had good times together, back before January 9th.

I SO hope this second cast does the trick. I just can't stand the idea of a third week of this.

Afghanistan Update

Besides the snow putting a little damper on things, it's been going well. I haven't had a chance to get out and fly much, but will as soon as the weather clears. I live pretty well here, I guess that's relative. I am really lucky and have my own room with ac/heat, what more could I ask for. Bagram is a large base. I feel pretty safe, no incidents as of yet.

The flying I have done has been challenging and fun. The mountains out here are amazing. They go from 2,000' up to 15,000' in a matter of a few hundred meters. It is definetly the most challenging environment to fly in and I'm learning a lot. Thus far we've been in a transition stage, as the unit we are replacing heads home. I should be up flying real Medevac missions by next week. Thanks for all the gifts, packages and thoughts this holiday season.

Happy New Year!!!
-Todd

Hard Day For Hazel

Today was a hard day to be Hazel D. Bonner.

We went to Primary Children's to have her foot looked at, because her left foot was turned in at a sharp angle when she was born, and still has not straightened out as much as we'd like. There's been some concern that she may have club foot.

The good news is that Hazel does not have actual club foot.

The bad news is that she still does have what the doctor called positional club foot, meaning her foot is still turned in a similar way due to the position she was in while in my womb.

The good news is that she will not have to spend the next several months in a cast, followed by several years sleeping in a brace.

The bad news is she still went home in a cast today, and will have one for the next few weeks.

Apparently, babies hate casts.
She has been miserable all evening. It's so sad. She goes between three states: sleeping fitfully, eating, and needing to be consoled because she's crying. Triple sad.

And then, to top things off, tonight she coughed while she spit up, and projected the spit-up all over her own face, including in her left eye! What a mess! She was so ticked off as I tried to wash her face. It was stuck in her eyelashes and I had to hold her eyelids apart to get it all off. Hazel was not my biggest fan at that moment.

I would not like to be her today.

Wake Up, Bright Eyes!

Hazel loves the morning.

During the night it is dark and I don't talk to her, and I try not to make eye contact with her because I want her to go right back to sleep.

But in the morning, I come in the room talking to her, the sun is up so the room is bright, I put her cheek on mine and dance with her. In the morning, Hazel is always full of smiles. Also, she holds her head up and turns it all over the place, looking at everything in amazement. Morning must be pretty exciting!

This is what her beautiful eyes look like all morning long - wide open and super curious. I love it.