What's Batman Without Robin?

Lately I've been busy, busy, busy. We own a home that we rent out, and the last tenant just moved out. He left behind, shall we say, more than his fair share of muck for me to clean up. We're talking about a 2000 square foot home, badly in need of deep cleaning, weeding, painting, new carpet, and various repairs. Quite a bit of TLC. Thankfully, I've been getting some help from family. It's way too big of a job for me to handle on my own!

I've been spending a bunch of time there working on the place the last week or two. Mostly Hazel's been with me, playing with toys on a blanket, trucking around the house with me in the Bjorn, or fitfully trying to take a nap in an unfamiliar local (good luck with that one - she hardly even sleeps when we're at home!). But today I started painting, so I needed a fume-free place for her to chill all week.

My sister Emily accepted the job, bless her heart. It's good timing that she just graduated from BYU last week so she's actually got some time to spare. So her little apartment is daycare this week. I dropped Hazel off this morning with blankets, toys, milk, diapers, the Bjorn, the pack 'n' play, etc. That little woman requires a ton of equipment to happily make it through a day away from home!

All day long I worked my tail off painting. I thought of Hazel a couple of times, and reflected on how strange it was to be without my little sidekick, but I knew she was happier with Emily than she would be at the house (she let me know yesterday that she had HAD IT with washing and taping walls!). With Emily, she'd be around someone who had time to talk to her, make faces at her, tickle her, etc. . . And, of course, take her on the illustrious walk outside - a never-fail remedy for fussiness. I called a few times, and she was always doing well. Even sort of took a nap.

But I wasn't quite prepared for how I would feel when I picked Hazel up at the end of the day. I walked into Emily's apartment, and there was the Haz, going to town chomping on a rubber duck as she lay on her tummy on the floor. Good as gold. And I missed her like crazy. It was already 5:45. I knew I had to just strap her into her carseat and get her home, and once we got there, she would be dying to go to bed. (Which she was.) That was it, my day with her. Wake her up, feed and dress her. Spend some time in the car. Give Emily instructions and leave. Pick her up, spend more time in the car, bathe and feed her, and put her in bed. That's all I got of Hazel today. And that's all I'm getting all week long until the darn painting is done.

I may be a single mom for a year, but I am so grateful I don't have to be a working mom, too. It tore my heart out to be doing it for just a few days. I feel like I missed a huge chunk of Hazel's life, and I'll never get it back. I'm thankful to be able to spend my days with my little Robin. She and I are going to be buds for life, I think. I like having her around.

Easter and Napping

I spent the week up at my parents' house, so I'm just now reuniting with my camera-to-computer cord. I've been dying to post a pic of Hazel on Easter. I am in love with her outfit!
Hazel's been mastering the art of rolling over from her back to her tummy. She proved herself a genius in the timing department by doing it for the very first time in front of her doctor at her four-month well-baby check-up. Over the course of the next two weeks, she did it a few more times. As of Saturday morning, she had rolled over five times. By Saturday night, it was 10 times. Now, I've lost count. She generally only lasts a second or two when you lay her down before she flips. She just loves to explore what she can do!

She's also been getting much better at holding things in both hands. She can grab and bring stuff where she wants it (usually her mouth), and often holds tight to Bunny or another toy as I pick her up from the ground.

Hazel's doing really well in her new brace. It's kind of rocked her naps, but she hasn't ever been much good at those anyway (I'd love tips!). Otherwise, she acts normal most of the time and doesn't seem to mind it much. Thank goodness!



Naps: I wait until I see her slowing down her activity, yawning, or rubbing her eyes. I try to get her in her room before she starts to fuss, but don't always make it. Before I lay her down, I read her a book in the glider, sing a couple of songs to her, we shut the blinds to her room, and I play a nap CD of nature sounds and classical music. She doesn't like to go down. Usually there's a little bit of crying. But most of the time, she falls asleep within five or ten minutes of being placed in bed. The frustrating part is that the naps almost never last more than 30 minutes at a time. Sometimes only 10 or 15.

I've tried going in to soothe her back to sleep, but that hasn't ever worked. She will either get excited to see me and want to play, or she'll cry and be really crabby for the next hour. Then I KNOW she needed to sleep longer.

I've tried ignoring her cries for set amounts of time. I tried 10 or 15 minutes one week, and sometimes she'd go back to sleep, other times not, but usually not for long - maybe 10 more minutes. Another week I tried leaving her for an hour, whether or not she would sleep. Most of the time, she'd wake up after 20 minutes and just cry the rest of the hour.

I don't know whether I should try something else, or if my problem is that I'm not being consistent enough and I should stop trying new strategies. I'm at a loss here, and would love advice.

Club Foot Update

I switched to Shriner's when we came back from Italy. They're just better. Period. They're more professional, more friendly, more helpful, more encouraging. . . They're doing basically the same treatment, and yet I walk away each week with a baby who is not freaking out.

So, two weeks ago she had a cast on her left leg. Then last week, she had a cast on each leg. (They offered to cast the right leg once since her forefoot turns in a little and we're casting anyway; I decided to err on the side of caution and go for it.)

Last night, I couldn't resist taking a picture of her during her sponge bath - her casts looked like sassy little boots. Check her out, trying to roll over. (She's done it a few times!)
Today we got the new brace. It's still a brace, and Hazel wails while it's being put on, and occasionally when she remembers that it's there and her feet are stuck, but I am floored by how much better she's reacting so far. As in. . . she's eating. Last time she skipped three meals before finally giving in. And . . . she's sleeping. Before, she would only sleep when she crashed from exhaustion, and someone had to be holding her or she'd wake up in ten minutes, screaming.

To reward her/pacify her/make me feel better/take our minds off the trauma of the day we did a couple of fun and out of the ordinary things. It made it so at the end of the day, when I was getting Hazel ready for bed and talking to her about her favorite parts of the day, I actually had some good events to insert into the "conversation."

Hazel got a new dress and sunhat from the Baby Gap Outlet in Park City:
And when we got home, I unearthed our outside blanket and The Haz and I relaxed under the trees in the yard, enjoying the blessed spring weather. It was Hazel's first time hanging out in the great outdoors without moving - just hanging out, not going anywhere. And I'm pretty darn sure she liked it.
Here she is, in all her glory, in the new brace. I'm feeling really lucky/thankful/blessed that so far, Hazel's doing well. Keep your fingers crossed for her! Seriously, guys, pray for us for the next few days. I'm still nervous. But I think we'll be okay.

What Hazel's Been Up To

Hazel's picked up on a cool new trick recently. She entwines her fingers! Look at that - isn't it adorable?
She used to care less about what I shook in front of her face, but now that she's got better mastery of her fingers, she's more interested in toys. And right now her favorite one is Bunny. Every time I hand Bunny to Hazel, she grabs at it with gusto and usually pulls it straight to her mouth. This picture is from a couple mornings ago. Hazel snuggled with Bunny in the swing while I ate my breakfast and chomped on Bunny's arm until it was soaking wet. I think it's super cute. Hazel loves to smile at and talk to her reflection in the mirror now. The mirror on this book kept her occupied for a good twenty minutes the other day. So sweet. I love having a kid. Sometimes I just smell her head and cry and thank Heavenly Father for giving her to me. I tell Hazel about how Daddy and I prayed and fasted for her for so long and are so, so glad she came to our family. She is a miracle.

I don't even know if I should post this, but hey, let's be candid.

I'm still here.

Seeing Todd last month was so good. I needed to be with him so bad. The first day together I didn't want to let go of his arm or take my eyes off of his face. After that, it felt like regular life again. It was so refreshing.

To be honest, though, I'm having a hard time now.

For one thing, I had no idea how much easier parenting could be with a DAD in the picture. It was so awesome to have his help and influence and energy with Hazel, and I'm absolutely feeling the deficit now.

And it's a long time until October. It hurts to think I have to wait that long to hug my husband again. I feel the missing him much more keenly right after being with him. I'll go numb again with time, but right now, the ache for my best friend is sharp. It's been a rough couple of weeks for me.

I don't mean to be a downer. It just feels good to say this instead of moping in silence.