Bittersweet

Today was the picture of domestic bliss.  Jack woke up first and snuggled in bed with me for half an hour before Hazel got up as well.  We had breakfast together and played in the house all morning.  The kids were cheerful and obedient, healthy and happy.

We skyped with Todd's parents, who are serving a mission in Estonia.  

The weather was awesome, so I tucked Jack and Gemma into the double stroller and we walked Hazel to preschool after lunch.  Gemma fell asleep on the walk.  Jack rode his bike in front of the house for twenty minutes after we came home, before going down for his nap.  I had a chance to rest for a bit.  

Hazel was happy to report that she loved everything she did at preschool today (again!).  She and I worked on some St. Patrick's Day worksheets she came home with.  I was impressed with her ability to recognize patterns, graph, and count syllables.  Who is this kid?  I haven't worked on any of those skills with her yet, but she knocked them out of the park, no problem.  

Hazel, Gemma, and I sat on the sunny front porch reading and eating apples.  Our next door neighbor brought her dog over and we met them both and had a nice conversation.  

Gemma fell asleep and I took her inside.  Jack woke up.  He and Hazel played happily outside for over an hour, mostly in the adorable playhouse in the backyard.  

I made them come inside when Gemma woke up and I had to work on dinner.  I sure wish that backyard had a fence!  That is my one misgiving with this amazing house.  It is spacious, sunny, beautiful, close to my parents, but on a 35 mph road with no fence.  I don't dare leave Jack out there without me.  

Hazel and Jack continued to play puppies while I made baked chicken drumsticks.  Both kids ate a great dinner.  (Practically unheard of!)  

My mom came over after dinner and helped me give Jack a haircut.  And it was by miles the easiest haircut I've ever given him.  

All three kids got a bath today.  I filmed happy home videos.  My house is (relatively) clean. 

Gemma was in bed for the night at 9:00, and I didn't even have to make her cry it out.  (Yet, at least.  The night is young.)  

The entire day was smooth and beautiful.  I've got this fabulous house and yard, and kids who are eating that up and getting an incredibly happy life because of it.  It's the life Todd and I have dreamed of having.  And he's not here to live it with us.  

I missed Todd a ton today.  He should be here experiencing this joy with us.  I was having a perfect day, but I cried through spots of it because of heartache.  And that frustrates me.  We wouldn't even be here, in this blissful set-up, if Todd weren't gone.  I know we are in the right place, that we will be comfortable and happy and watched over, and it will be a good year for our family in so many ways.  I am thankful for that, I am so thankful for that.  I'm grateful Heavenly Father is giving me and my kids this awesome compensation package to hold us over.  I just don't like that life continues to go on without Todd and all these experiences and memories are ones he won't get to have.  

But God is good.  This very moment, as I typed those last couple of lines, I remembered something from the last deployment.  I frantically followed baby Hazel around with the camera, taking pictures and video and trying my hardest to record her every milestone and moment for Todd.  And I felt cheated that he and I had struggled so hard to get pregnant, and we finally had our baby, and he wasn't there to experience it.  One hard night as I cried and prayed, God comforted me and told me that someday, Todd would get those missed moments back and it would all be made up for.  Somehow.  And that gave me peace.  

And that memory is bringing me peace right now.  That promise holds true now as well.  Todd is missing this year with our family right now, but it will be made up to us.  I'm going to hold on to that feeling.  Thank You, Heavenly Father.  I know You are aware of me and love me and my family.