Thursday night Todd and I knelt for prayers. I was giving the prayer, and I started thanking Heavenly Father for Hazel in our family (because it was her birthday) and it just hit me. Three years we've had this little body of a blessing in our family, and we're so grateful she came. My mind swam through memories of the 2 1/2 years Todd and I spent trying to get pregnant, and all the heartache we felt during that period of our lives, and having our sweet girl here makes it so blessedly easy to forget how difficult waiting for her to come was. She is such a fireball, so full of life and chock full of smart and goofy ideas.
Last night I was vacuuming the house (it needed it desperately) and I was holding Jack while I did it because he's going through a phase where he's freaked out by the loud noise. So I'm balancing him on one hip, with the vacuum cords in the same hand, while I push the machine all over the place. Hazel's following me around, yelling something at me over the noise. I pushed aside a feeling of wild frustration and made myself grin, made myself revel in the gift of being a mother of young children. I ignored Hazel as long as I could, just trying to finish, but she kept building in intensity. It sounded like she was saying she was thirsty, and I could see her water bottle on the counter I was coming close to, so I shut off the vacuum to listen to her for a quick second. And she was actually shouting, "Will you serve me?" and holding up a piece of jewelry she wanted help putting on. Seriously? That ring was so important she had to follow me around, shouting at the top of her lungs for three minutes straight?
Today at church Hazel's nursery teacher bore her testimony and spoke about how she and her husband have been trying to get pregnant for three years, and they're looking into IVF. She thanked the bispohric for trusting her with a calling in the nursery, said how much she appreciated being a mother for an hour and a half each Sunday. I got called to be a nursery leader the year we lived in Alabama, when we'd been trying to get pregnant for two years and had had some unsuccessful fertility treatments. I had the hardest time accepting that calling. I cried a ton and wanted very much to say no. For me, working in nursery was torture. All I wanted at that point was to avoid little children because it hurt me so badly to be near what I wanted so much and didn't have. I was bitter and struggling with my faith in God. It was a major low point in my life. I couldn't help but feel that Hazel's nursery teacher is dealing with this trial better than I did. I am impressed, humbled, and grateful to have such a woman working with my child.
Hazel will be in Sunbeams in January, which means her nursery class went to Primary for a few minutes today to practice and see what it is like. It was really fun for me to peek in and spy on her, experiencing this milestone.
Jack's a fast walker now and is getting into EVERYTHING. My mild man is going to be trouble after all, I think. Today he was sitting on my lap as I showed him a book that had textured pieces he could touch. Hazel came over and covered the entire puppy ear with her hand so he couldn't touch any of it. He made a mad grunting noise and pulled her hand off, over and over again. I was proud of him. He's going to put up a good fight and stick up for himself after all!
1 comment:
love this post. you are such a great example to me. motherhood is such an amazing opportunity and it broke my heart when mercedes got up. motherhood is so innately a part of us and when we can't have that when we want it, it can be so challenging. and then challenging still when you have it and are getting through the 'nitty gritty' of everyday. how is it that our girls are going to be in SUNBEAMS??!?!?!!?!? what the what? i may need to go eat another brownie....
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